I know life isn't easy and its supposed to be worth it, but what am I supposed to learn from all of this? Pain and Sadness? That is all feel these days. I left my husband because he asked me to. He said he no longer wanted to be married. Here we are sometime later and I have given up hope of trying to "fix" our marriage. Although I do wish there was by some miracle a magic wand that I could wave and everything would be happy and good.
As I lay here and ponder my life I wonder where do I go from here? I find a job, be grateful for what I do have, my beautiful children and a wonderful family who loves and cares about me. I know that's what I should do anyway, but all I can think is I'm going to miss that man. He made me so happy when I was so sad, he tried so hard to be who I wanted and I was so impossible that I drove him away. People tell me I'm better off, I know in some ways its true. He is in his own way quite perfect maybe not for me but for someone. I wish that I had been the right one for him, and he for me but that's life isn't it. You think you know what you want and sometimes when you get it, it isn't quite what you thought. At least now I know, although I wish quite deeply I hadn't had to learn this lesson.
We are just a fun loving on the go family. We love to hang out, go camping and just be together. My Girls are my world!
Oh my beautiful daughter, what words can a father offer to make it hurt less? As parents we wish we could cushion all the falls and stumbles of our little ones, but then how would they learn to walk and later? As parents we wish we could absorb the pain that life inflicts on our babies and be a ferocious lion to frighten away any who would damage them,but then how would they know what to avoid and how to defend themselves? As parents we love our little ones with a love that goes beyond the worldly and merges with the divine, yet for moments our humanity obscures our intentions and we both push away and are pushed away by our children. If only we had magic wands to make the hurt disappear, we would wave it with all our hearts. Unfortunately, that would not be the solution for you. Only you can discover the path for you, with advice and support, of course, but only can direct your life. Just remember this one great truth: whatever comes your way, whatever the pain and frustration, whatever the confusion and even anger, it is ALWAYS easier to carry and resolve with the Lord actively in your life and without Him. Draw unto Him and He WILL draw unto you. I have lived and learned this great lesson; and it is a lifelong lesson for all of us. Your dad.
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